People Often Wonder

how I am doing. I was the lucky one that was chosen to take Scott's journey in life with him. Though at times it was painful, it was also very rewarding. Scott was not only an insipiration to me but, to all those who knew him. I have decided to celebrate Scott's life , not mourn his death. I have been busy working with a local artist and a toy manufacturer for Scotty Sacks.

The Scotty sack logo is done. I couldn't be happier, it is absolutely amazing. Only a selected few have seen the logo and Scott's neuro-oncologist and Gail his physician assistant were two of them and it made their day. They were glad to see I was doing something in memory of Scott for kids with brain tumors. I want to keep the logo a secret for awhile. I have been amazed at all the medical professionals that want to donate for this wonderful cause , all the love, support and volunteers. I have my list of volunteers and when I am ready I will contact each one. I am still working on making the organization legal.

Scotty Sacks will also need a website and I will need a volunteer to create and run it , so if anyone knows anyone that has some time on their hands and wants to donate it please let me know.

In General

Blake and Kellie arrived last night. Blake is home - out of the Army. I wonder how long it will take him to acclimate to civilian life? He and Kellie will look for jobs and enroll in school.
I have been really busy in general. Cleaning out the old and going down memory lane. What wonderful memories.
The Scotty Sack logo should be ready on Friday. I need to meet with the attorney to fill out all the proper paperwork to legalize the organization and I need to speak with an accountant. I have been overwhelmed by the amount of support by people wanting to help.

Changing Kids Lives, One Smile At A Time

What are Scotty Sacks? They are sacks that will be created in keeping Scott's spirit alive. It was Scott's dream to create a sack for children fighting brain cancer. We are hoping to fill the sack with a personal DVD player and age appropriate movies or Nintendo DS and age appropriate games and or other things that will comfort children going through treatment and during their hospital stay. These sacks will be delivered to the children in the hospitals.

I am very fortunate to have a well known local artist donate his time and talent to design a kid friendly logo that symbolizes Scott and one of his greatest joys. I want to keep it a secret and unveil it at a benefit I am working on in the near future. I have also been fortunate to have an attorney set up the organization pro bono.

As things get under way I will be looking for items to be either raffled or auctioned off at the benefit. More details to come.

Riding The Waves

We spent our Memorial Day at the ocean. The waves were awesome and Skylar took full advantage of them. This kid can boogie board. It looked like a storm was going to roll in so we packed up and headed the long 5 blocks home to swim in the pool. We surrounded our day with a picnic and lots of water. Happy Memorial Day to everyone. Thank you to all our soldiers who serve or have serve our country.

Goodbye Kindergarten

After work on Friday Skylar and I went to the mall shopping for a dress and shoes for her Kindergarten graduation. After walking through several stores, we found the perfect dress.
We raced home took a shower, I blow dried her hair and Kellie did her toes. We stopped at the store to pick up flowers for her teacher and managed to arrive at the church half an hour early to get seats in the second row - the first row was reserved for all those cute little kindergartners. After graduation Michelle, Kellie and I took Skylar out for Ice Cream to celebrate her special day. Skylar was so tired - she was punchy. When we got home went to bed and in 5 minutes she was out like a light.
Saturday we went to Vero Beach shopping and because we were gone most of the day she didn't have time to swim so she wanted to spend the night again. Sunday we took her to church with us and then her dad picked her up for a party.

Spreading The Love

Skylar graduates from Kindergarten on Friday so I surprised her by picking her at school for dinner and a haircut. When we got to the salon Skylar's hair was long enough to donate to locks of love. It looks super cute and because she spends most her time in the pool during the summer the cut is perfect for her. She is growing up so fast. I can't believe first grade is right around the corner. She still talks about Pappy and I try to continue to answer all her questions.

Friends

May 12th was to be mine and Scott's 10 year anniversary. Our plan was to spend it in Hawaii renewing our wedding vows - only God had a different plan. My friends decided to take me to the Melting Pot so I wouldn't be alone. I received beautiful flowers, the food was great, conversation was great. We told stories of Scott, we laughed and we cried. My friends truly feel my emotions. I couldn't have asked for a better group of people. My friends are closer than my family and I am so blessed to have them in my life. I love each and everyone of them. When Scott passed away I wanted to lay down and die. I didn't see how I was going to survive the pain I was feeling, I didn't want to survive the pain I was feeling. It was my friends that helped me see the light through my darkest days. Scott left such an impact in this world. I still continue to receive cards and stories of the lives he touched.

Still Going

Kellie called me at work to tell me there was a baby mouse in the pool. suggested she let it drown but, she wanted to save it. Milo was pointing so I went to the pool to see what he had and her baby mouse was a baby rat. Kellie saved two and I let two drown. I guess the momma rat had a litter in the waterfall. The babies ended up in the pool. I never knew rats could swim the way they did.


The doctor I work for had a Birmingham Hip and I flew to Ohio on Thursday to pick him up and we flew back Friday. I have been staying at his house helping out with the dogs. The river is so beautiful this time of year. I have had a lot of down time to think. Which isn't a bad thing.
I go until my body can't go anymore and then I seem to collapse for a few hours of sleep. I am doing better then I thought. Skylar still asks a ton of questions and I find my self exhausted trying to stay two steps ahead of her. Her innocence at times, breaks my heart. She uses her Pappys Sugar jar a lot. So I make sure that stays stocked. Scott and I were going to renew our vows this month for our ten year anniversary. I had gotten the confirmation e-mail yesterday and it made me realize just how short life is and how fast time goes. Kellie is still here. Blake's unit was suppose to be home by the end of the month. The soldiers had already started shipping there personal things back to the states but, there is a hold on sending them home.

Busy, Crazy Weekend

We all called Scott are girlfriend, because he was able to mesh with the girls. So this weekend we thought we would try Dave out as a girlfriend. Beth, Dave, Michelle, Matt , Kellie and myself went to Altamonte to do some shopping and then to lunch. Dave passed the test he can hang with the girls. Matt didn't do so well , he is not girlfriend material. After we returned back to the coast everyone took their treasures and headed home.
Kellie and I drove to pick up Skylar. We then walked to the soccer fields so the dogs and Skylar could run. After we returned home Kellie and I decided to switch the beds from the back room to the front room and the front room to the back room to give Kellie more storage.
Sunday Dave and Beth met us at Church. Good service but, I seem to struggle emotionally through most of it. Again when we got home we still had organizing to do. Things to go through to see if they were worth keeping. Most of it junk. But, we managed with a few injuries to get one room done and the other 3/4 done.

I Am Surviving

The last couple weeks have been filled with allot of emotions. First I want to apologize to everyone that found out that Scott had lost his life through the blog. I found as many phone numbers as I could. Our computer at home had crashed and I lost allot of emails. Thank you to everyone who brought over food , many of our friends. a few from the local fire department and family was fed while paying their last respects to Scott. Thank you to all my family and friends who were there during the most difficult time in my life.

Scott and I talked about making bags and fill them with misc. things and pass them out in hospitals for kids with cancer. The name of the bags. We would call the bags "Scotty Sacks". This will be my way, along with my family and close friends of honoring Scott. I have been trying to get Skylar as much as possible because she misses her Pappy so much. After her shower she sleeps and his t-shirt and his underwear. I have to tie an elastic around the underwear to hold them up. Sometimes she will even ask for a pair of his socks. When Skylar would stay with us on the weekend and her dad would pick her up, Scott would always make her run back into the house to give him sugar AKA: a sweet kiss on the cheek.
I filled a jar full of sweet treats and wrote in chalk on the front "Pappy's Sugar".

Blake returned back too Iraq on Saturday. So we spent allot of the weekend eating out before he had to return to mess hall food. He says the food is not bad but, is better here. Kellie, Michelle, Skylar and I went to Sunrise Service Sunday and then went home to color eggs. Matt & Michelle had invited Kellie and I over for Easter lunch. Matt made a wonderful ham.

My sister Tina had came over on Friday with my nieces and they did our annual flash light Easter egg hunt. The older girls went to the beach on Saturday and when Tina went to pick them up she had a sharp pain in her arm and chest. She came back to the house and was miserable. I first tried to get her to let me take her to the hospital and she didn't want to go. I gave her a heating pad, antibiotics because she had a terrible cough and Dialudid for the pain. The next morning she decided to skip sunrise service and drive home. Again, I asked her to let me drive her home but she insisted she was fine. When she got home she went to the hospital, where they admitted her in ICU with a collapsed lung.

Because of all the challenges Scott and I dealt with on a day to day basis we felt if people had a negative impact in our lives or created allot of drama we wouldn't deal with it. We wanted to be surround by positive people. Sadly, some of this drama was family. So Scott and I choose not to have relationships with some of those people. I have had to sever a relationship with my youngest sister because it was not a healthy relationship. She had shocked and amazed me with things she did and said after Scott passed. Some my think it is cold hearted and I should forgive but, some things are unforgivable. I returned back to the church Scott and I loved so much a week after Scott passed away. I think it will be good healing for me. Some days are harder than others. My friend, Karen bought me the book titled I Wasn't Ready To Say Goodbye and I am in the process of reading that.

SCOTT ZECH

Scott M. Zech Satellite Beach Scott M. Zech, 43, lost his courageous 16 year battle with brain cancer on Friday, March 19, 2010. He passed away at home surrounded by his family and friends. Scott's path in life wasn't always easy, the bends and turns made him the man he was. Everyone that knew Scott has a little piece of heaven here on earth. Scott touched the lives of so many. He lived his life to the fullest, not knowing if there would be a tomorrow. His sense of humor, his smile and laughter will shine on forever in his loved ones left behind. He is survived by the love of his life, Dalana; daughter, Brandy Rogers of Melbourne; son, Blake Rogers (Kellie) serving in Iraq; his precious grand daughter, Skylar Hume. He was the devoted brother and friend of Aaron Ford and Michelle Brown. Memorial service will be at 3:00 p.m. Wednesday, March 24th at Satellite Beach Methodist Church. Donations may be sent to the Lance Armstrong Foundation in honor of Scott.

My World Is Changed

We had the best of the best doctors. They had an elaborate plan to begin treatment and everyone was on board. A plan that seemed so perfect - went so wrong. With only a few treatments into the treatment plan Scott began to decline. I spoke with the doctor who had been treating Scott the last 8 years and he said that the tumor had already crossed into Scott's motor skill. Dr. N. said that even if when the 28 radiation treatments were done that Scott would need a full time nursing facility. Scott would be unable to walk, to care for himself , he wouldn't even be able to feed himself. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I knew that wasn't even an option. I knew Scott wouldn't want to live that way and it was no way to live.

I made arrangements that day to bring Scott home. The home we built together, the home we made so many memories. Michelle had came to the house after work to make sure everything was ready for Scott to return home. On the way home I rode in transport with Scott I asked that the waterfall turned on so Scott would have a familier noise. I wasn't prepared for so many people who had come to the house - family and friends. The hospice nurse was here and things were hectic until Scott got settled in. Scott was aggitated from the drive. Monday night was the last words Scott spoke and he spoke them to his brother Aaron.

I never left Scott's side except to brush my teeth and to go to the restroom. I wanted Scott to know that I was always there. It amazed me the amount of people that would come by to pay their respects. At no time was our bed empty, the more people in the bed the more love. So many people commented on what a beautiful picture it was. Scott was surrounded by so many people and so much love. Scott went so peaceful. So many commented on my strength. My strength came from my love for Scott, the love from my family and friends. Scott lost his battle on Friday at 11:45.

It was tough to tell Skylar. She asked me if I was serious and I said yes. Skylar said he wasn't even old - he wasn't even close. She cried, she said how much she would miss him and then she sat down and drew him pictures. I am hoping that I can be strong and be all I can be for Skylar. I will do all I can so she never forgets him.

I am in the process of still making arrangements. I will post them on the blog as soon as they are finalized.

Rough Nite

Scott had a really rough night. He woke up about 12:30 throwing up and with a really bad headache. Kellie and I slept together on the murphy bed and when Scott began to make his nausea's sounds Kellie and I flew out of bed. WARNING THIS IS NOT FOR ONES WITH A WEAK STOMACH: We sat Scott up and began to scoop yesterdays lunch out of his mouth so he did choke or aspirate it into the lungs.

Dr. B has started Manitol to reduce swelling. I misunderstood the chemo I thought it was 5 on 5 off but, because they want to hit the area hard so the chemo is a straight 42 days. Scott is being really pounded with radiation and chemo. and all of it's side effects being nausea's.



I keep touching him massaging his feet to let him know I am here. I even clipped his toenails yesterday. The Dialudid keeps him resting comfortably. I feel if he is resting comfortably it will be less stress on the brain.



We had gotten surprise visitors from our friends Tami and Eric and their beautiful children. Wow how the kids have grown. Tami said she wish Scott knew they were here - he did he was just drugged. We also had family here and are expecting our friends Don and his wife Lillian from the coast to visit later today. Michelle and Matt came up yesterday to visit and bring my jeep and visit and bring goodies. Aaron slept in the hospital 2 nights with Scott. We are so grateful for our friends and my family and will never be able to repay the things you have all done for us.



Scott's lunch is here but, I want him to sleep off the Dialudid and maybe feed him later. Scott's nurse said I missed my calling but, I don't agree. I would rather flip burgers than see people suffer. The nurse also was greatful that I am here 24 - 7 she said that most peoples family don't even come to visit. How sad...no matter what has happened in the past - it sems heartless for people to loose their lives knowing no one cared - not even enough to visit. Hmm.. goes back to a later post - I told you I take on others peoples emotions.

Rocky Road

Scott has slept most of the day but, it is a peaceful restful sleep. Dr. B had given instructions to give Manitol twice a day. So they had began dispensing that this afternoon and will again this evening. At around 5:00 Scott began throwing up. Kellie and I wiped his face as I took the food out of his mouth so he did not choke.This extremely worried me because I worried what the brain was doing. I think I figured it was a migraine.

I took a phone call out of the room and when I came back Scott was sweating , which I think is good to reduce all the toxins in his body. Kellie and I placed ice cold towels on his head and Kellie took off his gown and fanned him with a cold rag.

Don and his wife (from church ) are coming up tomorrow. Aaron and Seth may come up and visit also. My family and our friends have been extremely supportive and I know if Scott felt better he would also tell you how grateful and thankful we are for all of you.

And please forgive any post that do not make sense. Sometimes I am like zombie writing these
post....Keep praying

Friday Evening Update

Dr. B. came in to check on Scott. Scott was sweating , sleeping and has a headache. The whole right side of the brain is either tumor, swelling or radiation necrosis. They are going to give him Manitol over the next few days to reduce the swelling that the radiation is causing. The area is so tight - there is very little room for swelling.
When I see him look at Scott I see him excepting a miracle and I guess that is what we need. But, that is exactly what Scott is a "Miracle"

So Many Emotions

It took our friend Keri to take something I had on my blogger title to have me focus again. Yesterday I was willing to throw in the towel. I felt like Scott and his body had -had enough. It was Scott (the one fighting) that wanted to continue this fight. How could I be so quick to give up?

I have never prayed so hard and so much in my life and then I don't know if God is showing me the road that we need to take. How will I know if the decisions I make are the right decisions? I have to let go and let God and be comfortable with that. I have to let go and let God. It is the only decision that makes sense right now.

Our friend Erica shared a blog that she had been following of a man with brain cancer. I read it and found the information to be very helpful but, also his blog inspirational. He also spoke of everything that I have been reading on detoxing the body and eating nothing processed. You are what you eat. It also makes me what to be more spiritual. It makes me what to take mine and Scott's journey and make it a positive one. For now we have had to do the radiation and chemo but, hopefully the detox and new diet will help us make the decision to continue chemo or not.

The doctor suggest that Scott go into a nursing facility from here. But, I know that is not what Scott would want. I know it is not going to be easy but, I am willing to do the work to keep him home. My main concern now is getting him from the house to the car to Orlando for radiation.

Holding Hands

Another radiation treatment down. Dr. B came in today with not a really encouraging look on his face. After he left I looked at how tired Scott looked and I wondered has he had enough. With tears streaming down my face and me holding Scott's hands I asked him if he wanted to stop treatment and go home. I wasn't sure what the answer would be but, I wanted him to know he would always have my heart and he would always be my hero. His answer : I want more time with you , if I decide to stop treatment then I may never know if it was the right decision. So I will fight through those bastard treatments. I never thought I would have to take the hands of someone that I love with all my heart and say those words and as I spoke them it felt like someone was taking my heart and ripping it to shreds. When Scott said he wanted to fight , the conversation was over I will fight right along beside him. Scott also said he had to fight for Skylar. Even when I tried to make it all about Scott and what he wanted - he made it about me and Skylar. Even through his darkest days he is still thinking of others.

I Have Truly Been Brought To My Knees

There comes a point when you have to wonder if the treatment is worth the outcome. The outcome is - we don't know. Scott has such bad muscle spasms. Some so bad that they have pushed his port needle from the port under the skin filling the skin with saline and causing swelling and irritation. They used a longer needle. He will go from a restful sleep to sitting straight up with his spasms. I try to stretch his arm out but sometimes the spasm are to powerful for me.

I've done allot of reading while I have been here on food. I have found that 80% of our diet should be raw veggies. I am going to try and slowly change our diet. Try my best to cut out red meat, pork and chicken. I think it would be good while Scott is on chemo and going through radiation to help replenish cells that have been damaged. But, also maybe a healthier lifestyle. I don't know how receptive Scott will be but, maybe I can show him it is the best way. I think by doing it slowly it may just work. My first thought is to go home and throw everything in my cabinets away but, I know that is a little radical. Scott would think I had lost my mind and it would probably scare Kellie to think she may starve to death. I want everyone to choose what they want to eat but, I also want them to see that maybe the research I have done is the best way to eat.

The room stays quiet most of the time as Scott rest. My thoughts wonder and my heart aches. I've learned allot and I've read allot. I watch the light BEAM ON knowing it is Scott that is in there. I look at the people surrounding me that go to radiation alone and go to chemo alone. I couldn't imagine not being by Scott's side. I know I will have to return back to work but, Scott will have someone with him. I think that is so important to know they don't walk this journey alone. I take on my emotions and the emotions of other people. This is truly the hardest thing I've done and could never imagine doing it again but, no one knows what our future holds.
Scott's second treatment is again at 12:30. Please continue to keep us in your prayers

One Down

Scott the first of 27 treatments of radiation. While we were in the holding area. A three year old boy came in for treatment. The little boy cried while they accessed his port and then cried while behind the doors of the radiation room. It was absolutely heartbreaking. I began to cry and when they took Scott - they took me to a different holding area. After Scott's treatment the doctor came in and again said he was treating a fairly large area and the fact Scott can't have MRI's made it sound like they were radiating the area by guessing - after merging the PetScan and CT Scan. It is so frustrating that he can't have the MRI's. We are at a catch 22

Quick Update

Scott had began Chemo on Monday evening. He will began radiation today. Because Scott had radiation so long ago, he is able to have the full 42 treatments - if that is what they choose. He will take Avastin again on Friday and continue treatment with that every two weeks. Pastor Jason was up this morning and is holding a prayer service with over 100 people to pray for Scott - "Awesome" so around 7:00 the love should be flowing. Aaron is still here but has to leave today to go back to Jupiter - it has been great having him here.

Weekend Update

Tina offered to spend the weekend with Scott at the hospital . I left the hospital on Friday headed home. I picked Skylar on my way home for a sleep over. When I woke up Saturday I went to the doctors house to watch the dogs. I got a phone call that Scott wasn't do so well and a chest xray had been ordered and a CT Scan. I spoke with Dr. Nick and he said he wasn't going to lie - things didn't look good. I had an emotional breakdown, dropped Skylar off , picked up Michelle and headed to the hospital. Scott was pretty out of it. He seem to come around about 2 this morning. Scott's Dialatin level was a 5 and it is normally a 13. I am thinking that is why he was so tired.
Scott felt like he was going to have a seizure this morning but, he didn't. He ate all his breakfast, his whole tray of lunch, including soup and dessert and all his dinner. He is resting now. Dr. Nick said Scott was more with it today than yesterday and he didn't see a reason we couldn't start radiation and chemo tomorrow.
Kellie flies in on Saturday and Scott's PT and OT will pick up where they left off. I need to get back to work but, I can not leave the hospital again without Scott.

Masked

I did the un thinkable I left the hospital yesterday to sleep, shower and have my hair done. Tina stayed with Scott and I think I died when I went to bed. It was difficult crossing the causeway returning home without Scott. Everything I did yesterday, that I would do in a normal day seemed abnormal.

Scott and I had our radiation consult and he is being fitted for his mask now and is doing his simulation. The mask is made of mesh and it will conform to his head and face. They no longer tattoo the head but they mark the mask and merge the two with the Pet Scan. I hear Dr.R. is the best of the best. He is thinking he will need to hit a bigger area than the area they hit 16 years ago. Dr. R. said that after Scott's surgery last April Scott should have had radiation then. We can't go back but, we can move forward and this is where we are now.

Dr. R. came from Boston and said in all the years he has practiced he has never seen a drill bit that had been shanked off in someones head. I will after all this gets started ask if the Pet Scan is the way we should go from now on.

Aaron is going to stay with Scott Monday - Wednesday and I will come up after work everyday. The weekends I will most likely stay with my mom so I can spend all the time I can with Scott between here and Physical Therapy. Scott's one has been kicking up allot and this has become very painful for him. They increased his Baclofen and I brought a heating pad. Heat seems to keep it down.

We Are Making Some Progress

Scott had a pretty good last couple of days. He had been eating better but, didn't care to much about eating lunch today. He had a slight headache today and I pushed the PC pump which dispensed a .25 dose of Dilaudid. So he is resting comfortably. Don from the church drove over for a quick visit. It probably took him longer to drive here than he was actually stayed. Scott slept through most of the visit.

Scott will go from here to Lucerne for physical therapy.Lucerne is two blocks from MD Anderson. It is better that he stay here , so he can be monitored by the doctors here. Hopefully they can get him to where he will be able to walk again.

I will return to work and go back and fourth. My family will also kick in for some visits since they live closer than I will be. Not the best scenario for Scott and I but, the best for his health.
Kellie's dad had come up with a wonderful idea. He has been generous enough to drive Kellie half way to Florida and then I will meet and drive her and Roo here. We are going to do all this before Scott gets out of rehab. So hopefully , everything will be in place by the time Scott returns home.

It Has To Get Better

that's what I keep telling myself. Yesterday was a rough day. The dialudid had built up in Scott's system and caused him to become unresponsive. They had called for Rapid Response and a team filled the room. They had injected a drug called Narcan - this drug knocks the dialudid out of the way and takes over for about 10 minutes and then the dialudid knocks the narcan out of the way and takes back over. Scott was in so much pain, it was ripping my heart out of my chest. Dr. Nick ordered a PC pump for pain but, so Scott was sedated all day yesterday. Dr. Nick decided instead of the machine dispensing the meds every so often , to let Scott or I do it. Scott has had 2 emergency CT scans to make sure there was no increased swelling or a bleed. Both CT scans were negative. . Dr. Nick also decided to hold Scott's chemo. Today Scott seems slightly sedated and confused. We are still waiting on the radiologist to come up to speak with us. Dr. Nick has agreed that is a good idea to hit those active tumors. The main objective now is to reduce the swelling.

Michelle had come up on Saturday for a visit and brought goodies. She has also been doing my job and hers too. I know she is exhausted. My family came up yesterday and took our laundry to wash, dry and fold. Milo has made a new friend in Tina and I am so grateful I don't have to worry about him.

I am fortunate enough to have Kellie drop everything and come to help me. We were going to try and get Blake home. But, as I thought about it - it made more sense for Blake to continue his job. He has a family now and they have bills. Kellie is a trained CNA and I won't worry while I work. My computer died and my little niece was nice enough to give hers up for me to use. That is a big deal to a young teenager.

I will never be able to repay everyone for their prayers, their support and all they have done to make our lives easier. It is times like this that make you realize who your true friends are.

Update on Scott

This is Michelle, Dalana and Scott friend. Dalana is unable to get on her computer at the hospital anymore so she wanted me to update the blog for all of you that follow it. Scott is still in the hospital and most likely will be for the next couple of days. He is undergoing two different kinds of chemo to attack the tumor, they are also considering doing radiation. He has had a few bad days with headaches and they have been monitoring them with CT Scans to make sure there in no more swelling. Dalana and Scott would like to thank everyone for their well wishes and asks that you all continue to pray for Scott. I will update the blog as I find out any new news since Dalana is unable to.

The Dianogsis

From the beginning I have a sense of peace . I have a voice telling me I can do this. With that said, I had a weird thing happen to me today . They had taken Scott for his Pet Scan and while he was gone a lady who was a spiritual adviser came in to talk to me. She had breast cancer in 2004 and it had spread. Her chances of survival were slim. She is cancer free. She asked me how Scott's disease has touched people lives and I told her what a positive impact he has been and how he continues to amaze medical professionals. She said that she feels like God is telling her that Scott and I should tell our story through speaking or a book. She also said that she sees the holy ghost glow all around me , she prayed with me and then left.

Scott's test came back with new active tumor and allot of swelling, close to the mid line shift. They have began the Avastin to treat both the tumor and the swelling. Scott's chemo cocktail will be switched up to a week on chem through oral pills and a week off. They also are looking at possibly treating the active tumor with radiation. The tumor will be treated more aggressively. They will also place Scott on aspirin because one of the chemos side effect is blood clots. Dr. B thinks we are in a good place to turn this disease around.

Scott and I have choose to take control and not let this control our lives. Please put us in your prayers. To all our friends and family - thank you for all your support.

Test Completed

All the test have been completed and we are awaiting the results. They weighed Scott today like
manatee. He only weighs 150.6 : ( So he really needs to gain weight. the Pet Scan was done around 10:30.
We have just been hanging out between test. Tina came up last night and watch Survivor with us. Scott seems to be in alright spirits. He is really bummed he wasn't out today because he really wanted to go to Enigma to listen to Dave play.

Another Chapter

Scott and I are @ MD Anderson. They are running extensive test on Scott. His Potassium level is really low. They have started an IV drip and are giving him Potassium pills. Dr. Nick is on vacation but his partner which is just as brilliant as Dr. Nick is on call. We are not sure what we are dealing with. Maybe radiation necrosis - maybe tumor. Dr. B has ordered a Pet Scan and a CT scan to blend the two together to see what we are dealing with. Scott is a candidate for more radiation but, it could be more dangerous than not.
Here are the blue prints: They can hit the active tumor with radiation but, could we cause more damage. We can hit the tumor more aggressively with a different cocktail taken by mouth 1 week on 1 week off. Everything is up in the air right now.
Dr. B did order Avastin which can treat the tumor and the necrosis. They are weaning Scott off Predisone and Dexamethasone which are both Steroids - which will also whack out the body. Pt has been in and Scott has a swollowing test today - which can be tumor related.
Oh I just found out Dr. Nick is not on vacation and he will be up today : ) Scott's wonderful nurse has been in here a couple times a day.

Weekend Fun

Friday Scott and I picked Skylar up from school and took her to The Mighty Mushroom for an early dinner. Then to the house to play with her ZuZu pets. Scott and I surprised her with 2 new pets and a couple extra pieces to connect to what she had. These little critters drive cars and make all kinds of noises. When she asked if she could take one pet and one car home I was happy to say "yes".

Saturday my mom and friend Robert from 30+ years ago came over and Scott and I decided to take them and Michelle to lunch at the Yellow Dog Cafe. Robert did really well handling our questions. As always the food was great, the view was beautiful and the company was even better.
Sunday was warm enough for mom & Robert to enjoy the beach. Scott has started a new medication and one of the side effects is fatigue. I am hoping over time his body will adjust.

Another Crazy Day

Yesterday when I got home from work it looked like Scott had a party. In reality I have been running so much with doctor appts. I had not had time to do laundry, clean the floors, bathrooms etc. So I decided to try and tackle everything before I went to bed. First things first I needed energy so I went to Starbucks for coffee. Not that I like Starbucks but it does seem to give me that rush of energy I need sometimes.
I started laundry and then cleaned the bathrooms, started cleaning the floors and then I realized that Milo hasn't crossed my floors with his cute little paw prints. I shut off the cleaner and began to look for Milo. I went in the back yard and could hear him barking. It sounded like it was coming from the neighbors yard. Puzzled I couldn't figure out how he got in the neighbors yard. As I got closer to the fence I realized the barking wasn't coming from across the fence but under the boat. I have alittle john boat for decoration in my tropical flower bed. I saw where he had dug and I thought he had gotten under there and got stuck. I raised up the boat and Milo came flying out and jumped on top of the boat and starting pointing. He continued to bark and point. So I took a long handle and lifted the boat to find a possum standing defensively. I quickly dropped the boat and decided that was Milo battle to fight. Once Milo came it I shut the door, hoping the possum would move somewhere that would be safer. I assume during the night he or she moved because I had let Milo out this morning and he came back in.
Blake was yahoo but, I didn't even have time to really talk to him. By the time I looked back at the computer he had signed off.
I almost got all my chores done including giving Scott a shower. I will have to watch the DVR to see who got voted off of Survivor.

Tough To Say Good-Bye

I had to say Goodbye to Blake and Kellie yesterday. How hard it was to send Blake back to Iraq.
We and they had a great time when they were here. The first week they were here Blake and Kellie headed to Beech Mountain for a week.

The following week we had more time together. First I have to say Scott and I felt like we were in a hotel room in our home. Kellie made our bed everyday and laid clean towels out for us. What a wonderful gift.

After work Friday Scott and I wanted to take our friend Gail ( Scott's nurse) and Dr. Nick chocolate covered strawberries and a home made fortune. We also decided to meet up with the Family at Olive Garden. Kellie and I decided that the weather wasn't to bad outside so we wore flip flops and no jacket. Rain welcomed us as we drove into Orlando. Poor Scott he was cold, mine and Kellie's feet were frozen and we were all miserable. Dinner was great. Hunter and Reese made Valentine cards for everyone and I decorated Chinese take out boxes and filled then with candy and one homemade fortune. I also placed gel hearts on everyone's drink glass.


Saturday was Blake and Kellie's first anniversary and I had made reservations at the Chart House. As always the food and the veiw was great.
Sunday the kids had tickets to Daytona 500. With all the delays that race was a mess and they returned home early. I dropped them off at the airport and said my goodbyes. Kellie and Blake had to go there separate ways when they got to Atlanta but, at least they had the time on the plane together.

Pitty Party

Ugh! I took Skylar to a birthday party yesterday and she had a blast. Keri did a great job on Annabelle's party. We left early because we had left Scott behind and he wasn't feeling good. I have come to realize that I can not take care of Skylar and Scott too. I am tired and grumpy.

So for awhile I will just be picking Skylar up for a movie, dinner or ice cream. This will be so much easier on me. I realized this weekend that some people don't care the amount of things that I do as long as they get to do what they want to do. I often feel sometimes that I and all I do are taken for granted. I seriously need time out from life.

Juice It Does The Body Good

Scott put down the canned tea and began drinking cranapple and crangrape. This may have made his chemo easier. Not that chemo is easy just easier. He still feels sick but, he doesn't seem to have the look of sick (if that makes any sense) He ate a sandwhich last night and I can't ever remember him doing that the day of chemo. He kept drinking the juices trying to flush the chemo out of his kidneys.

I am going to watch Skylar tomorrow. Her dad is going to the races and we are going to try and take her to a birthday party.

He's Back For Iraq

Blake came home on Saturday. He told Kellie he was still in Kuwait but, he was really in Atlanta. He had arranged for his friend Jordan to pick him up and bring him home. I knew what time he was coming, I just had to keep Kellie busy. Scott suggested they play Wii - great idea Scott. He and Kellie played Wii and I sat at the table farming so I could see when he pulled up and turn on the i flip without her knowing. The plan was executed perfectly. Kellie said when he walked in she just saw his boots first and then worked her way up to see it was Blake. We really wanted to be there to see him off the plane but, he had already arranged to surprise us. Then he realized at the last minute he should tell me because we probably wouldn't be home. Blake was right because Kellie and I had a list of things to do and planned to leave early. Blake said the stewardess on the plane said she had two solders home from Iraq so she wanted to get them out to their families , to please let them exit first and the plane burst into an applause. Blake said rumor has it - it won't be a full year tour depending on how Iraq's election goes. How wonderful that would be, instead of having Kellie here for the summer I could possibly have Blake here too.

The first thing Blake wanted to do was shower and get BBQ. So that is what we did. He and Kellie then headed out to surprise Skylar but, she was not home. I called Tom to tell him not to tell Skylar Blake was home because I want him to surprise her.

I find myself staring at him. I watched a boy walk off the tarmac destination Iraq and a man return.

To Busy To Work

I had so much to do Friday that I decided to take the day off. This was how my day went. I woke up dragged myself out of bed at 7:00 , which is late for me. I dressed Scott, helped him in the truck drove to the office to drop off a walker, coffee and oatmeal. We then headed to Orlando Airport to pick up Kellie. Back to the coast for lunch, home for an hour. Blake keeps telling Kellie he is moving her to Eustis. So when I found this snowman at Christmas time I couldn't resist. I thought she would die but, she loved it. I think more because she knew Blake would.

Then to the cleaners to pick up Blake's shirt. Then to Quest for Scott's bloodwork and urine sample. I'll save the details from the urine sample. We will just say I didn't know men couldn't stop urinating on command. We then drove to UCI for a CT scan and for medicine refills. Jenny came over to tell me the scan was unchanged - she is such a sweet person. We then returned home for an hour and then to Enigma to hear Dave play and sing. I love to listen to his music. We were lucky enough to have his wife join us for dinner. We returned home at 9:30 and collasped into bed
Fun times with great friends

We Are Still Alive

So much has been going on since our last post. My doctor had a Birmingham hip. Scott and I were back and fourth , more there than here. Anyway, it allowed me to work with Scott alot on his walking, sitting etc. Because we had to run back and fourth I mastered helping Scott in the truck. But, it was all great work for both of us. Exhausting but so worth it.

We went to see Dr. Nick on Wednesday. Scott's condition has the signs off a stroke but, can not be tracked through a CT scan. Sometimes the brain tumor will throw a stroke, if this happened it could mean it killed tumor cells and not normal cells. Which is not a bad thing, just another obstacle. Scott had the perfect definition. He said it was like a reset button on him was hit. We then saw Dr. Gold yesterday and he told Scott that he was his inspiration. What a wonderful compliment from someone that has been there and back.

Blake is in Baghdad and leaves for Kuwait soon. He was thrilled because he rode in a Black Hawk from Fob hammer to Baghdad. He sent a cool video of his trip. It will be nice to have him home. I am going to bake chocolate chips cookies Saturday and Kellie and I are going to try fried oreos from a recipe I found.

I have a full day tomorrow with appointments for Scott. He has chemo Thursday - if all the blood test are OK. The kids will be in the mountains and hopefully Scott will be recovered when they return.

Our Healthare System Is Lacking

We are so frustrated with our health care system. I work long hours and because Scott is alone for such a long time this has created a problem. The social worker suggested an alert system that Scott wears around his neck if he needs help he pushes the button and the company is alerted. I had them ship it over night to us. It is a really good idea but, not good enough for the social worker. She wants a bench seat that Scott can slide into to shower again another good idea , I'll pick one up tomorrow. But, still not good enough if we don't find people to come in everyday for a few hours a day they are going to pull Scott's at home therapy. It is not a covered expense through health care, it doesn't have to be a health care provider. So if anyone has any extra time looks like we could use it.

Poor Scott

Scott had a really tough time on chemo. He stayed in bed for a few days, ended up with a migraine and I wasn't the most patient. He took Dilaudid 4 of them over the course of his migraine. He decided he wanted to get up. I didn't think it was a good idea but, decided if he wanted to get up I would change the sheets on the bed. Scott got up and then felt sick from the Dilaudid. I changed the sheets on the bed and got him almost to the room and he threw up everywhere. I cleaned him up changed his clothes and thought I would leave the warm water running so I could clean him up better. He wasn't moving very fast and then I heard water dripping and it dawned on me the sink was over flowing. I opened the bathroom door and there was water everywhere. I was so aggravated. I had so many towels to do and I had enough tide for two loads. I thought it was best to clean everything up I could and go to bed.
I woke up early this morning, made a Walmart run and returned home to get all the laundry, house cleaning and the Christmas lights off the house. I managed to finish my whole list of honey do's. I bathed Scott, dressed him and rewashed the sheets on the bed. We were unable to make Michelle's birthday celebration but, I was able to see her mom and Samantha for quick hugs. I feel really bad that I lost patience with Scott - I think I may need some rest.

Scott, Milo and My Crazy Life

I know I am behind on blogging but, I have been so busy. Scott began chemo again yesterday. So along with his physical therapy and occupational therapy both 3x a week he has also began chemo therapy. We were in Orlando at 7:00 am had chemo. back to the coast where I put Scott to bed and then to work. When I woke up this morning I asked him how he felt and he said he felt like he was on a boat (side effect) so I asked him if the Meclazine I gave him last night helped and he said no.

When I looked at the bottle it wasn't Meclazine I gave him I don't know what it was because Milo thought it would be fun to grab the prescription bottle and run through the yard. I was chasing him picking up pills so he wouldn't eat them. He was running around me in circles and then would grab the bottle again and take off running. I asked Scott where Milo took the bottle from but, Scott had no idea. I asked him what it was Scott said he didn't know to read the label. I couldn't read the label because Milo ate the label. Funny , "Yes" but not at the time I was ready to kill Milo. Then my computer guy came over and he doesn't like dogs and Milo could sense it every time the computer guy went to talk to me Milo would howl and bark, when the computer guy would stop talking so would Milo. Then Milo went in front of the pantry and barked for treats. I ignored him and he came where I was sitting grabbed my shoestring and tried to pull me off the couch to get him a treat. I have no idea want his problem was, a normally good dog became the dog from hell.

When I realized it wasn't Meclazine I gave Scott I went to the drawer found the bottle and gave it to him this morning. When he asked me what he took last night, I told him I had no idea. Scott said, great it was a women pill now I will probably act like a woman today. I don't even remember what I said to him and he said in a woman's voice - pretending to cry - I can't believe you said that to me...ugh..I shouldn't have told him I should have just gave him the Meclazine without saying anything.