Feeling Helpless

Blake's grandmother was brought home today. I made brownies and took up to the family. Brandi was sitting by her side holding her hand and crying. I walked in the living room where they had her bed facing the ocean. I leaned down and hugged her and told her what a beautiful view she had, I kissed her and told her I loved her and I would see her later. She was surrounded by family. Brandi said they reminisced & went through family albums.Blake walked in a few minutes later to tell us she was gone.
He went back up there to say his final good-bye, he leaned down and sung their song "You are my Sunshine" and kissed her on the forehead. Brandi also devastated headed back to say her final goodbye. I always want to protect my children ( even if they are adults ) I know they are hurting and there is nothing I can do. I am glad they had each other to hold and support during one of their most difficult times.

Coolest Mom

I think Blake needed a break and called and asked me to go shooting. With a little convincing I asked Scott to use his new handgun that has never been shot. Blake took our target to show off my shooting skills. He said I was the coolest mom ever - what other mom would skydive and go shooting with their kid. I think I scored big points.

You Have To Have Faith

Blake is facing losing the Grandmother that he has an unexplainable bond with. From the time he was a baby and still at 18 she has sung "You are my Sunshine" to him. Blake has spent the morning looking for Sunflowers to take his grandmother. He came to my work and all I could do is cry, knowing how much he is hurting. He pulled out a bible he had in his pocket and read me a passage, that gave him peace. Words can't express how proud of him I am.

PCF Rogers Reporting To Duty

Blake leaves for his AIT training May 6, he will be in Alabama for 9 months until he finishes his schooling. He may be able to return home after school for 20 days and then he will get his assignment. I was planning a big send off party but, there is not enough time. So I'll have to change it to a Welcome home party.

A Very Happy Un-Birthday to You

Skylar had in her head that her Birthday was today. So when my sister called me this morning Skylar asked for the phone. I handed her the phone and she walked off and into the backyard. After about 5-10 min. I decided to rescue my sister and ask for the phone back.
Skylar had told her not to tell me what they had talked about, it was a secret.
Skylar told Tina it was her birthday and she was to bring the cake. Skylar then wanted me to call different people so she could talk. She was having a birthday party, inviting people and telling them what to bring. Skylar didn't want me to know because I told her that her birthday wasn't until October so was ruining her party. She later told me we were expecting guest, for her party and she really expected them. Luckly she was awoken from her nap when her dad came to pick her up. I'm sure she will be calling me later.

Milo

Milo looks like he is smoking a cigar

If you don't open the door, he hits it with his

mouth if you still don't open the door he slaps

at the bell with his paw.

This is Milo's bell. When he has to potty or
wants to go outside,he first hits the bell with his nose

I was asking him if he wanted to go outside, to ring the bell.

Getting Around

Scott thinks he may have broken his foot. Maybe because there is no muscle there he is just walking on bones? He has a knot on the side of his foot. He will make an appt. on Monday. I wrapped it up tight last night. He said it doesn't feel like it feels any better wrapped. I'll try a thick ace bandage and see if that makes a difference. For know I think it's best he stays off of it as much as he can.

Finally Got A Reply

I received a reply from my e-mail to Dr. Nick. Looks like Scott and I are still on a wing and a prayer. Here is my email and his reply


Hi Dr. Nick Scott said that you were talking about him going on chemo holiday. It is a bit scary for me with the passing of Mike Gray. I know all cases are different but, I thought Scott had to be on chemo for one year? If he could tolerate the chemo is it better if he take the chemo for a year or do you feel comfortable with the amount of chemo that he has had? Thank you so much Dalana

Hi Dalana, I think Scott is really getting run down by this chemo. Thankfully, he has responded well to it from a tumor control standpoint. Yes, I would rather target 9-12 months of therapy but there is this gray line that gets crossed when it becomes counterproductive to his physical and immune health. He needs a rest and we will need to fly by faith for a while ... Scott may need to go back on the chemo more quickly than expected, but this is the better way to go right now I believe. Does this answer the question? Best, N

I am not sure it answered my question. I think it made me more nervous than anything.

Airing Dirty Laundry

I have experienced two episodes very recently. It makes me so angry when people fight in front of their kids.Is it that hard to shelf the disagreement and deal with it maybe when the kids go to bed or are out of ear shot? Come on people. Are you that selfish and immature? Some parents allow kids to blend into the background if their wants and needs. Stop and think of what wonderful memories you are creating for your children. Maybe some books or commonsense will help. This is from Dr. Phil's book Family First.


Factor 1: Create a Nurturing and Accepting Family System.

The number one need in all people is the need for acceptance, the need to experience a sense of belonging to something and someone. The need for acceptance is more powerful in your family than anywhere else. The following to-do list can help you bring the spirit of acceptance into affirmative, interactive action in your family:

• Put your family on Project Status.
  This means you must consciously decide to actively and purposely work on improving your family situation every day. You may need to do such things as:
  
  - Reschedule business activities to make time for your kids.
  - Help your children set and achieve goals.
  - Set aside an hour a day for the family, every day.
  
  
• Bring out the authenticity of every family member.
  Each child in your family came into this world with a core set of unique skills, abilities, interests and talents — all of which make up their genuine identity, their "authentic self." Authentic children have a sense of hope, a feeling that today is as fun and exciting as yesterday and that tomorrow will be as fun and exciting as today. The following suggestions will help you get started on ways to discover and bring to the surface the authenticity and hidden talents and interests of each of your children.
  
  - Respect and encourage your child's uniqueness.
  - Catch your children doing something right.
  - Look for the best intentions in your children.
  
  
• Create a sense of security and peace in your home.
  Your children look to you and your spouse as a solid and safe base of operations. Yet when they're subjected to a conflict-ridden home, their base is shaken to the core. Here are some actions that will ensure that your family becomes and remains a secure stable base for your children and not a war zone.
  
  - Take arguments private and keep them private.
  - Stop being a "right-fighter."
  - Eliminate patterns of verbal abuse.
  - Deal forthrightly with destructive behavior.

Cutie Patootie

Skylar has moved into her new home. She had called me and asked me to pick her up. I told her both Pappy and myself was sick. Skylar then asked to talk to Blake - she was trying to convince him to pick her up. The cute part of the story is Skylar didn't think we knew where her new house was so she told us to follow her footprints and we would find her.

I took Milo to visit Skylar on Monday. I showed her he could sit, lay and rollover. She was more excited that he had a leash and she could run with him. He had to follow her because she had hold of the leash. She didn't want us to take Milo. She said she loved his tail , his ears and she just loves him. I told her if I didn't take Milo he would be really sad when it came time to go to bed because he sleeps on his bed by my bed. She said he could sleep in her bed. I then told her when I leave for work Milo cries for me because he misses me. Skylar's answer to that was well she misses him. Scott says she will be a great debater. When it got time for us to go she wanted to come home with us. I told her I had to work the next day and she had to go to Juannie's she said we could build another Skylar and she could go to Juannie's and she could come home with us. She even jumped in the truck. I told her I would pick her up on Friday and she could spend the night and play on Saturday.

I have taught Milo to ring the poochie bell when he wants to go outside to potty. Yesterday Scott called me at work to tell me Milo was driving him crazy he rings the bell every ten min. Because we are training him we have to take him out every time he rings it. I asked Scott if Milo was going to the bathroom when he let him out and he said yes and then he runs back to the kitchen for his treat. I am just glad that he caught on to ring the bell. Michelle (my friend and dog pro) says it gets better he will ring the bell less and less. But, will still continue to ring the bell when he needs to go potty. I think that Milo is as excited about ringing the bell as I am.

It's Offical

Scott got word today that he is officially on chemo holiday. He will have a MRI next Friday and meet with Dr. Nick. Lately the scans have been stable so Dr. Nick feels comfortable with Scott going off chemo. Scott is really excited, I feel a little apprehensive. It is very exciting but also very scary. I look forward to Scott not being chemo sick and him getting his strength back. A big thank you to all our family and friends for your prayers. This doesn't mean you can take us off your prayer list.

Be The Best You Can Be

Lately I've been beating myself up a bit. Sometimes I feel guilty because there is more I want to do for others but, I can't find the time. I feel guilty when I am asked to do something, only to have to put it off for a week or two. I want to help out my mom (who lives in Apopka) but due to my schedule and Scott's chemo schedule it makes it where I am unable to help out right now.

Cooties

Scott and I have both been under the weather. I've been a little cranky w/going to work & keeping up on my house duties. I took Scott to chemo on Friday and decided not to go upstairs because I didn't want to contaminate others. Scott slept all the way home and as soon as he walked through the door went to bed.
Michelle and I drove back to Orlando to see John Edwards (the medium). I was hoping for a reading but, the reading he did for others was so moving. They really needed it for peace. But, I totally got it. If you loose someone you love it doesn't mean they are gone forever. They are still around you because love is eternal. I thought that was so sweet. I wish my mom could have been there to here those words. We got home about 11:30 pm and I fed the squirrel took out Milo and got to bed around 12:30.
I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything lately so I took Michelle's advice and made it a lifetime day (thanks Michelle, does she know me or what) I have done nothing today except order out for food and take Milo out. At first, I was aggravated that Milo was dumped on us. But, I have fallen in love with this little dog. He's very cute and sweet.

Work It

Scott had purchased an arm bike but, was unable to use it because of the atrophy. Last night I got out the arm bike and held his left hand on the peddle with my left hand and held his elbow with my right hand. He used the strength in his right hand to peddle. I then stretched his arm and placed my tens unit to try and help stimulate the muscle. I asked Scott how his arm was this morning and he said his shoulder is sore. Scott is dropping half of a dex. today so he will be down to one full pill. With our new workout and less steroids maybe we will stimulate the muscle.
Puppy training is going really well. He only had one accident in the house yesterday. He went to the door last night and put his paw up and looked back at me. I took him out and he went to the bathroom and then ran back in and sat where his treats were. I have been given him sweet potato wrapped with duck. He also loves the apples wrapped in duck. We took him to the vet yesterday and were thrilled to hear Milo is not like most Jack Russells he is calmer and he will not change. He said he was a beautiful Jack Russell and we should use him as a stud. I have taught him to sit, lay and rollover. He is very smart. Thank God.

A Weekend Late..

Friday we decided to keep Skylar and her puppy Milo so Brandi and Tom could move into there new house. Milo and Skylar were in bed with us. Skylar was up most the night. I felt like I had a new born. Scott came back from Dunkin Donuts with Iced Latte. I took a drink and it was loaded with Splenda. I really needed that coffee so I took it back, waited in line and asked for no Splenda. They apologized and made me another. I got out of line and took a drink and it was loaded with sugar. I got back in line, waited through five cars and told the girl, I would like a Iced Latte, no splenda, no sugar, just a iced latte. She said when you didn't want splenda, I thought you wanted sugar..Please all I want is a plain iced latte. Third time was a charm.
We celebrated Easter on Saturday. Scott was feeling better because it was his chemo off week. On request from Kylee, my 5 year old neice we did our 2nd annual flashlight easter egg hunt. My 8 year old niece Kailyn was saying how easy it was going to be. I told her we would see how easy it was when it got dark. We started off with dinner, then we let the kids color eggs. I had boiled a dozen for each kid. The kids eggs were so colorful. Skylar's they were all pink. She even took some of Kailyn and Kylee's eggs that they had already colored a different color but, because they didn't leave it in the dye very long Skylar was able to re-dye it...yes..pink. When it got dark the kids grabbed their flashlights and pails. Kailyn found $8.50 worth of gold eggs. The kids had fun sitting in the living room opening their eggs to see what was in them.
Brandi and Tom decided not to keep Milo Skylar's puppy. Because Skylar was attached Scott and I felt obligated to keep him. Neither of us would have chosen a puppy with everything going on I am way to busy and have way to much to take care of. Michelle had given me a crate so he can be crate trained while we are not home. I also ordered a bell to train him to ring the bell when he needs to go outside. It's very frustrating. The kids should have their head examined for not researching the puppy and it's very selfish of them to stick Scott and I with it with all we are going through. We told the kids they better not buy Skylar another animal because it's not fair. We also have a week old squirrel that needs to be bottle fed. We love taking care of baby squirrels - that's fun..Not as long as a commitment as a dog. I decided to bring the squirrel to work so Scott doesn't have to worry with him and Milo.