Delimma

Mine and Scott's 10 year anniversary is coming up in May. Every 5 years we renew our wedding vows because we may not have 5 more years. Scott and I planned to renew them in Hawaii this year at Heavens Point but with everything that has happened lately I am not sure if I should continue planning. If we can't go to Hawaii maybe I should bring Hawaii here but, then I am afraid that I can't do everything by myself. I may need to ask for volunteers.

So Glad Christmas Is Over

Scott came home from Sea Pines December the 18th , just in time for Christmas. That in itself was a gift. Things have been slow but steady. They think he may have had a mild stroke. He is getting in home therapy three times a week. Things like walking take longer but, who is in a hurry. He needs to gain weight and we are working on that also.

Christmas Eve we had Skylar, Matt & Michelle over. Everyone seemed to be exhausted except for Skylar. We ate opened gifts and hung out. Matt had gifts to wrap and I still wasn't finished. My mom came over Christmas day and woke us up. I had a few more gifts to wrap. Yes I was up Christmas day wrapping presents. I jumped on line to Thank Blake for fighting there so Skylar could celebrate Christmas here. It was an easy quite Christmas no packing up to run anywhere, we ate when we wanted. I made steak, baked potato and corn on the cob on the grill. Scott thinks we should do that every year. Scott had an excellent elf this year and I loved everything I had gotten although, I don't think I was that good. Thanks to Keri who posted the PNP on her Facebook I had a really good time sending Santa messages to everyone but, Skylar's reaction was the cutest. I had Scott record the Hallmark Twas The Night Before Christmas for Skylar and the next day remembered we forgot to give it to her. I am still finding stocking stuffers ugh..

I am going to spend my New Year putting away Christmas things, going through drawers and closets. I feel so unorganized and I ate that feeling.

Great Weekend

I had a productive/lazy weekend. When Scott went to SeaPines I think my body has collapsed. I can't really find energy to do anything. Michelle called me Saturday to see if I wanted to see the movie Brothers. So I met her and Matt at the Oaks. It was good because it made me actually get up and get some things done before the movie. I decorated for Christmas, I am about 75percent done. We saw the Dr. & the Mrs. at the movies and after the movie we all had an early dinner at Pano Vinos and I order Scott his favorite Chicken dish and went to visit him. When I returned home Skylar called and wanted to spend the night so I drove back to Melbourne to pick her up.
Milo walked the bed all night, almost like he was protecting Skylar. We woke up early went to Dunkin Donuts for coffee and bagels. Skylar had Pappy coffee. That means she had a little coffee with her sugar. It was funny because as soon as she tasted it she did exactly what he does - this needs more sugar. Skylar and I then headed to Target and then to the mall to see Santa. After we saw Santa Skylar and I wanted lunch. So we hit Subway and then went to see Pappy. She was so adorable , her giggles filled the room , what a sweet sound. I then took her home and headed home to do things before I began my week. I don't know how our friend Keri does all she does - I wish I had her energy.

Scott's Residence & An Angel

Scott's temporary residence is Sea Pines room 221. I have sent the images to Dr. Nick and the reports. Sr. Nick BBM me and said the paper report reports everything as stable. He should receive the images today. I asked him if the Abilify he placed Scott on could have caused this problem - I have finally after all these years stumped Dr. Nick. He has no idea but is going to find out and let me know today. Scott seems to be in excellent spirits. I took Milo down for a quick visit yesterday and Milo laid under Scott's wheelchair as if he were protecting him. Hopefully Scott will be home for Christmas if not then we will celebrate when he comes home.

Kellie was at the post office yesterday to mail Blake's guitar and other gifts to Iraq. A kind man in line said he would like to pay for Blake's guitar to be shipped. Kellie hugged the man and thanked him and she said the man had a tear in his eye and he said he served our country and it was nice people were shipping gifts over. He said, for Kellie to thank Blake for him and his wife and for her to Have a Merry Christmas. As a mother of a soldier I needed to know who this man was. I asked Kellie ( I actually demanded it) to go back to the post office to find out who this man was but, the signature on the customs sheet could not be read. So I assume he was an angel.

Waiting......

Yesterday I left work twice. Once to go home and put Scott into bed because he wasn't feeling well and again to take him for a CT scan. I am going to the hospital today to pick up the CT scan that was taken on Thanksgiving day and over nighting both to Dr. Nick. I don't know where I have found the strength to actually pick Scott up. I had a anxiety attack last night but, manage to keep it away from Scott and under control. We here today if Scott will be admitted to Sea Pines ( I don't know why he wouldn't) I packed his bag last night just in case they come to get him. I feel bad for Milo that he will be in his cage for so long during the day. Keri offered to take our pictures for our Christmas card but, I have to play that by ear also. I hate the fact of sending out regular Christmas cards.

Thanksgiving Gave Me One More Thing To Be Thankful For

Kellie flew in as a surprise visit for Thanksgiving to help make Thanksgiving better while Blake is away in Iraq. It started off pretty good. We went to see Dr. Nick Tuesday and Scott's CT scan is unchanged there is still the 13 mm shift and swelling. Dr. Nick feels that if we have 4 consecutive treatments of chemo we should see a difference - if not we will need to change cocktails or add a cocktail to the Carboplatin.

We then met the family at The Cheesecake Factory for dinner and then home for some sleep. I worked on Wednesday and Kellie accompanied Scott to Physical Therapy. I then came home and began prep. work for Thanksgiving. I ran to Melbourne to pick up Skylar and back home. I couldn't reach Scott by phone so I had Kellie to walk in first because I had Skylar. She opened the door to tell me he was on the floor. I asked Kellie to keep Skylar busy outside and ran in to check on Scott. He didn't know how he had gotten on the floor or how long he had been there. From all the calls I made home I would guess 45 min. Kellie and I stood Scott up and helped him to bed.

Scott awoke on Thanksgiving to find he couldn't walk. Eventually we phoned 911 to transport Scott because he was con fussed, irritated, fatigued etc. Tom come to pick up Skylar and Kellie and I headed to the hospital , we spent a few hours there and they decided to admit Scott. Kellie and I headed home put plates in the microwave and went to bed. The next morning we headed back to the hospital - I picked up a really large beautiful Santa to take up to Scott's room. I think Scott thought he was going to be there for Christmas and I was starting to decorate his room. When Dr. Lorenta walked in he wanted to keep Scott for a few days but. Scott wanted to go home - so he discharged him.

Friday, Saturday & Sunday were really tough. I took Kellie to the airport at 4:30 am and went back home sent up everything I thought Scott would need for the day. I also have my phone on vibrate, if he needs me. Scott is going to call Sea Pines to see if they can come to the house.

Kellie was such a "BIG" help while she was here. She cleaned, she did laundry etc.. I felt like I was on vacation.

All Is Calm

Scott and I had a good weekend. I had to get a photo ornament in the mail of Scott and I for the family tree that is being sent to the soldiers in Iraq. I got to the Post Office 10 minutes before it closed. Saturday Scott and I went to see The Blind Side. Excellent movie.

Sunday I slept in until 8:00 which is pretty late for me. I then started laundry, went shopping, then to the grocery store. When I got home I made Zuppa Toscana for Scott. Cleaned a little bit more and called it a night. For some reason I was exhausted this weekend. I was hoping to get so much more done than what I did.

Scott and I have to be in Orlando tomorrow afternoon for an appt. (I am assuming) after the events of Wednesday evening. I have all the kids Christmas gifts so I am hoping to meet up with my mom so I can pass them off.

Scott and I plan on spending a nice quiet Thanksgiving at home (hopefully with Skylar) and I plan on making my famous Sweet Potato Bake for a few friends and a few pumpkin pies.

Scott's Home

CT scan came back with no swelling and no bleed. Scott's Dilatin level was 23.5 and normally ranges 13-18. We are not sure what caused him to be unbalanced or loss of vision in the right eye.
I am going to do some research this weekend with Dilatin being toxic in your system. Scott got out about 6:00 pm and we were both emotionally and physically exhausted. Probably a little more emotionally - with all Scott was saying, I really thought I was losing him. He apologized for ruining my birthday and I told him I have been given the best Birthday present anyone could ask for.

Observation

Scott, Tom and I took Skylar to the Circus yesterday. During intermission I noticed a change in Scott and asked him if he thought we should leave. We stayed until the final act and Scott began to have trouble. Scott was having a hard time walking, he seem to be fading. Tom helped me get him to the truck. Scott vision in his right eye was really blurry. He was telling me he felt pressure in his head like before and everything I didn't want to hear, he was telling me. I texted Michelle to tell her we were on our way to Holmes and I didn't know what was going on. I also texted Aaron,Scott's brother but couldn't get a hold of him right away but, did talk to him later that evening. I felt helpless because no one knows Scott like Aaron and he is my life line to Scott. Michelle made it to the hospital and I was glad to see her because she is my comfort. I was given a God send at the hospital when I ran into a nurse I know there. I was a mess and she asked me what was wrong, I asked if a certain Dr. was working and he was. Although, the waiting room was packed Scott was gotten back right away. I was glad because Scott had had chemo last week, no flu ahot this season and I didn't want him to catch anything. We are waiting for results of the CT scan.

WARNING BRAIN DUMP

Scott and I have had a tough year. Our lives changed on April the 23rd. We haven't had time to look back. It has been medically, emotionally and physically draining. We continue to receive prayers and are thankful for them. Although during this difficult year we have found out who are true friends are, the ones that listen when we need to vent and the ones that continue to do small things that make a big difference. We have learned that family expects and friends understand. We have seen the ones who continue to love us when we are not so loveable. The ones that continue to invite us to functions - even though we are unable to make 3/4 of them. I am still in therapy for the fall that Scott took in April. Every load noise makes my heart drop. Is it helping??? I don't know Scott fell last night and the thunk from the hall I heard in the living room made my heart race. I am still on anxiety meds. Scott is as uneasy as I am and he is going to schedule a CT scan today. I have learned not to trust the scans because although it shows stability, anything can happen and the domino effect that happened in April could easily happen again. We try to maintain our daily lives and not let this disease control it. When Scott and I married we vowed to renew our vows every 5 years. May will be 10 years and we have decided to fly to Hawaii to renew our vows. When I was looking at pictures I found the most beautiful breath taking spot. When I researched to find the name of the location it was perfect. The location is Heaven's Point. Scott and I take one day at a time and enjoy each day we have been gifted. If Scott is not feeling well we lay in bed together and watch our favorite shows. The days he is feeling well - we make the best of them.

We make sure we have time for Skylar, push that extra step, no matter how exhausted we are to make sure we give her childhood memories that will stay with her forever - while some choose to watch her grow up in pictures. Skylar is the best medicine you can ask for. We took her to coldstone Saturday evening. Scott and Skylar took their Ice Cream to the table and sat down and began eating. As I was standing at the cash register I looked over at them chatting and eating their ice cream - I didn't want to walk over to sit with them, I wanted to enjoy the picture that my mind had captured and one that I hope will stay with me forever.

It has been difficult knowing Blake is in Iraq. With all we have going on in our lives I try to keep the comfort of home in packages that I ship to him. It is tough seeing how exhausted he is through webcam. A few weeks ago we were on webcam and I asked him to say something so I could hear his voice but, he couldn't because there were people around. I asked him to just cough, something so I could hear and he began to whistle. That whistle (that would normally drive me crazy) was music to my ears. I don't watch the news anymore - the war and the politics drive me nuts. Every soldier that is lost breaks my heart. Scott and I decided this year that we will not buy for the adults but, will send Christmas Stockings to Soldiers in Iraq. We are going to call them "Operation Scotty Soldier Sacks"

I do have to say, as I have said many times before I am thankful for my live. I am thankful for the people God has put in our lives. I wouldn't change one thing because I feel Scott and I enjoy the things people take for granted because of all we face.

Long Weekend

Scott began chemo again on Thursday. I thought he would have a rough time because he has been on chemo vacation for awhile. Surprisingly he did really well. He did have an odd case of the hicups that lasted 9 hours Thursday night and on Saturday night for 9 hours. Thursday evening I gave him peanut butter and that seem to help but, Saturday evening it didn't do anything. Skylar had a sleep over. Scott had the hicups, he was aggitated because had been laying awake for hours. When he would hicup he said Skylar would hit him and say he was keeping her awake. I had wised up and went in the other rooom. Poor Skylar woke up throwing up. I was playing nurse to her and Scott. Tom picked Skylar up and Scott eventually got up and felt pretty good. I am now trying to get laundry done. I need to go to work to get some rest.

Hate Being The One To Make Health Desicions

Scott had a rough Saturday afternoon and Sunday. He didn't feel good, he seems to be leaning to the left really bad, his walking wasn't so great and he slept allot. He usually calls me as soon as he wakes up but, I didn't hear from him so I decided to give him a call around 10:00 to see how he was doing. He said he felt about the same. He did end up at physical therapy but, with a phone call to me about 3:00 that they didn't want him to drive home. My heart dropped and I headed to Sea Pines to pick him up. When I got there Judy was sitting with him and I asked Scott if we should stop and have some bloodwork done to rule out if he was toxic to Dilatin. We should get those results today. I was explaining to Scott how I hate being the one to decided someone else's fate. If it were me I would know what to do but, when someone else's health is in your hands you want to make the right decision. I realize we can't panic over every little thing but, I do and try not to show it. I was scared to go to sleep for the fear he would fall in the middle of the night and he did. I checked him out and he seem to be ok. When I asked him how he felt this morning he said better.

More Fun With Skylar

Scott and I took Skylar to Satellite Beach Founders Day. Every year Satellite Beach celebrates the city's birthday. Joe (our UPS guy) has an Alpaca Farm and he was going to have two of his babies there. hey also have a huge craft/bake sale. this year allot of the local restaurants had tents and Skylar was excited to see the parade. The Alpacas were amazing. One of the Alpacas was humming and when I asked what it was doing, they explained when thy get stressed they hum. Laughing I said that is what I am going to do . Later in the day Scott asked me what was wrong (for the record I wasn't humming) and Skylar said remember you told that guy you are going to do what the animals do and then I remembered the humming story. Skylar picked out a horse made out of Alpaca wool. It is the softest soft you will ever feel. The alpacas were so friendly and we are looking forward to going down to their farm in a few weeks for their Christmas with the Alpacas.

The parade seem to be a big hit with Skylar. It seem to be along wait but we were at the end of the parade. I had worn my Mom of a American Soldier shirt and had allot of Thank yous and well wishes to send to Blake. We brought Skylar back here and let her play Wii before taking her home. She maybe more competitive then me and she is really good at the games. Michelle and I had a baby sower at 7:00 pm so by the time I got home when on Facebook to check my Farm it was about 12:00, which would have been 7:00 am in Iraq and I was lucky enough to find Blake online who had just gotten off work : ( Blake called us this morning, he seems to be in good spirits, the days are long and they work 7 days a week. He sounds really tired. I sent out another package packed with Gatorade/Lemonade packets for his water and he requesting cherry Kool-aid packs today. So that will be in my next package.

Our next week gets a little more complicated. Prayers for Scott as he starts chemo again on November 12. I think we will plan on a quite Thanksgiving home this year - if we get lucky we will have Skylar. I am trying to think of something creative to send to Blake for Thanksgiving , so if you have any ideas I am all ears.

Adventures With Skylar

Scott and I decided to take Skylar to the park. They had a new climbing wall and we thought the little monkey would love it. Skylar wasn't feeling well so we made it a short trip. Scott used to take Skylar to this playground when she was little, so we were glad to see they made it more older child friendly. It's almost like the playground grew with Skylar. Skylar is getting so big, too fast. We then went home and tried to get her to stay calm and relax so she could go Trick or Treating that night. Skylar again did great. She is such a pleasant child to be around.

Skylar was super excited about Trick or Treating. As soon as I got her out of the bath and dressed in her costume - she was ready to head out. Tom showed up and after a few pictures , she was ready to go. Scott did great on his walking. We got about half way around and Tom came back to get Scott's truck. Skylar was happy because she was tired and wanted to ride in pappy's truck home. When she would ring the door bell she never said trick or treat she would say Happy Halloween. Skylar made an adorable Dorothy and everyone thought it was cute that Toto was in her candy basket. These were a few of my favorite pictures. As you can see Skylar loves her daddy.

Weekend Fun

Scott and I had a wonderful day. We decided early in the week to catch a movie. We wanted to catch an early movie because we are still dog sitting. We decided on Step Father, what a good movie in a creepy way. After the movie we went to Pano Vino I had spaghetti and Scott had a chicken dish that Dr. Cwikla had introduced him to. After lunch we made our way to Sports Authority to pick up a dart board for Blake's care package and then to Ross for a sheet set, a blanket and a comfortable pillow also to go in his care package. The pillow that the Army gives them was small and flat. He will find both fun and comfort in his first package from home. I was also able to order a case if the small boxes of laundry soap that you can buy in the laundry mats. Hopefully I will have enough room to pack some of those also.
He was able to access the Internet to talk with Kellie and post one picture. In the picture it is just him, sand and allot of complaints about the conditions over there. Hopefully, things will be better in Iraq.

October Happenings

Scott had ulna nerve surgery on his hand in early October. The surgery was a success - the nerve that was permanently turned on when the nerve block was done is now off. Scott also received his new AFO and it has improved his walking skills greatly. After a small break so his hand could heal Scott will resume chemo next month. Dr. Nick wants to hold the Interferon , thinking that - that is what was causing Scott's hives.

I took a quick trip to New York to see Blake and Kellie. I was there to see Blake off to Iraq. I enjoyed the 30 degree weather and it was nice to finally see where Blake has been laying his head at night. The trip was quick and we spent our time making sure he had everything he needed for deployment. We did take time to do a little sight seeing and making sure Blake ate everything he wanted to eat. As I was standing there talking to our soldiers it made me realize how they are just kids.

A big Thank You to Michelle because I ended up dumping Skylar's party in her lap. We had Skylar's party on Saturday. The kids had a really good time and seem to enjoy the simple food choices that we had made. I can't believe Skylar is 6 years old. She is growing so fast.

I heard from Blake on Sunday. He is in Kuwait and will be making the move to Iraq soon. My care package is ready to be packed and shipped out on Saturday. I have done so much research on what to send, what not to send, how big the box should be , how often to send them etc... I think I am prepared. I have decided to go with the smaller boxes and send them more often. Blake sounded tired, he said it is 130 degrees and the air is so bad you can hardly breathe. Blake also said all you can see for miles and miles is sand and old tires on the side of the road. I was surprised to find out that they have a Subway where they are.

I had an Epidural on Monday for the pain in my neck, head and arms. It gave me instant relief. I opted not to be sedated because I hate the after effects. I was able to walk out afterwards and I laid flat when I got home. I have had good results from it and have a 30 day window for 2 more injections if I need them.

Scott and I are house/dog sitting for a few days. Maybe I'll find time to get a few things done at home also.

Cake In A Jar

I was looking for a way to send baked goods to Blake and they stay fresh. I found this - how clever.

A really neat way to send a cake and it stays fresh!! They love this!!!!!!!!!

Cake in a Jar

Get wide-mouth canning jars (pint size). You can find them at Walmart, other stores, or online.

Boil the jars to sterilize.

1 (18.25 oz.) package cake mix (you can use ANY cake recipe instead of packaged)

8 jars with lids and rings

1. Make the cake according to the package instructions or recipe

2. Grease the jar. Put 1 cup of batter in each jar and keep the rims of the jar clean. (I fill mine up 1/2 way–try one first before you make all of them so you know how far to fill)

3. Place jars on cookie sheet on rack on the oven (to prevent them from tipping over). Bake for 30-35 minutes or until toothpick comes clean

4. While baking, boil jar lids in a pan of water ( I do rings too, but I’m anal)

5. When cake is done, take one jar out at a time and cover with hot lid. Screw on jar ring tightening it slightly.

6. The lid will seal as it cools. Listen to hear them “ping” as they seal. But if they don’t, wait until completely cool and then press on the top of the lid. If it doesn’t move at all, it’s sealed.

7. As the cake cools, it will pull away from the jar slightly. That’s ok. It just means that it will slide out of the jar easily.

8. Unsealed jars should be stored in fridge and eaten within 2 weeks. Sealed jars can also be stored in freezer; however, they should last sealed and unrefrigerated for quite a long time.

9. DO NOT FROST cake in the jar! Send frosting along.

10. Make sure you wrap the jars well (bubble wrap’s preferable, but wadded newspaper or clothing and other items will pad it too).

I’d suggest that you do a trial run of cake in a jars before you decide you’re going to send them. Try ONE jar in the oven before you fill the rest. If you don’t do this, you won’t know how far to fill them and could end up underfilling or overfilling them. If they’re slightly overfilled, mash the lid on top and screw the ring down. It’ll seal and be just fine!

Don’t forget a plastic knife (or two) for the frosting and some plastic forks.

You might want to send instructions on how to get them out–unseal, tap gently, pour out. Or the guys can eat them right out of the jar.

New York and Deployment

I flew to New York early Saturday morning to see Blake off to Iraq. The two days I was there we ran around trying to get him prepared, last minute shopping and packing. I was so surprised at all the things they have to pack to carry with them. I couldn't even lift his bag. Gas masks, helmets, bullet prove vest etc..you would think they would issue them when they got to Kuwait. They will stay in Kuwait for extra training and then to Iraq. The base gave out soldier hug me dolls. The doll is dressed as a soldiers and you place their picture in a plastic sleeve on the face. Kids were holding on to their dads crying. A unit was singing "Lean On Me" it was all very touching. After Blake left, Kellie and I went back to their place, packed Kellie's car full of her clothes, picked up Reggie (dog) and then decided to go to a hotel in Syracuse. That put us right by the airport and Kellie 2 hours closer to home. We had to sneak Reggie in through a side door at the hotel. Reggie did one bark and the front desk called our room. Of course "I lied" i was so shocked that someone would complain, it wasn't even a large bark.

Blake arrived in Kuwait at 9:00 am on Tuesday, so he arrived safe. We were assured from the commander will bring our soldiers home safe. Our soldiers will be back up for the Iraq soldiers. He said, where they are they are safe.

Human Cloning

I am picking Skylar up today from school to take pictures of her for her birthday party. I find out Thursday, if I need to fly to New York on Saturday and return on Tuesday. Skylar's birthday is Wednesday , the 14th so I need to prepare cupcakes for her class. Skylar's birthday party is the 17th and Scott's 16th year surviving cancer anniversary is on Sunday.
My brain is in freeze mode and this is diffidently not the time for it. I am wondering if I should be cloned. My clone may end up like the 3rd one in the movie " Multiplicity" : )

September, Sleepover & Smores

Scott had chemo on Thursday and wasn't feeling to well. I picked Skylar up from school on Friday.
I decided to do something different with her so I showed her how to make S mores. She had more fun burning the marshmallow than eating them. I had also purchased foam pumpkins, Disney Princess stencils and candle lights for us to carve pumpkins.
Saturday morning I was watching Blake's DVD we made for his party. When we finished Skylar pointed to her eyes, tears streaming down her face I asked her what was wrong. She said she missed her Uncle Blake and she doesn't understand why he has to be away. Try explaining to a 5 year old, war and American Freedom. After I settled her down she asked me Please don't play that again.
Michelle brought Turner and Boston over to play with Milo. I had gotten out the stencils and the pumpkins and I asked Skylar what she wanted to crave, she said an American Flag for Uncle Blake. We settled on a princess shoe and Cinderella's coach. The best thing is she can keep these pumpkins and turn the candle on and off by herself and they are totally safe.