I Am Surviving

The last couple weeks have been filled with allot of emotions. First I want to apologize to everyone that found out that Scott had lost his life through the blog. I found as many phone numbers as I could. Our computer at home had crashed and I lost allot of emails. Thank you to everyone who brought over food , many of our friends. a few from the local fire department and family was fed while paying their last respects to Scott. Thank you to all my family and friends who were there during the most difficult time in my life.

Scott and I talked about making bags and fill them with misc. things and pass them out in hospitals for kids with cancer. The name of the bags. We would call the bags "Scotty Sacks". This will be my way, along with my family and close friends of honoring Scott. I have been trying to get Skylar as much as possible because she misses her Pappy so much. After her shower she sleeps and his t-shirt and his underwear. I have to tie an elastic around the underwear to hold them up. Sometimes she will even ask for a pair of his socks. When Skylar would stay with us on the weekend and her dad would pick her up, Scott would always make her run back into the house to give him sugar AKA: a sweet kiss on the cheek.
I filled a jar full of sweet treats and wrote in chalk on the front "Pappy's Sugar".

Blake returned back too Iraq on Saturday. So we spent allot of the weekend eating out before he had to return to mess hall food. He says the food is not bad but, is better here. Kellie, Michelle, Skylar and I went to Sunrise Service Sunday and then went home to color eggs. Matt & Michelle had invited Kellie and I over for Easter lunch. Matt made a wonderful ham.

My sister Tina had came over on Friday with my nieces and they did our annual flash light Easter egg hunt. The older girls went to the beach on Saturday and when Tina went to pick them up she had a sharp pain in her arm and chest. She came back to the house and was miserable. I first tried to get her to let me take her to the hospital and she didn't want to go. I gave her a heating pad, antibiotics because she had a terrible cough and Dialudid for the pain. The next morning she decided to skip sunrise service and drive home. Again, I asked her to let me drive her home but she insisted she was fine. When she got home she went to the hospital, where they admitted her in ICU with a collapsed lung.

Because of all the challenges Scott and I dealt with on a day to day basis we felt if people had a negative impact in our lives or created allot of drama we wouldn't deal with it. We wanted to be surround by positive people. Sadly, some of this drama was family. So Scott and I choose not to have relationships with some of those people. I have had to sever a relationship with my youngest sister because it was not a healthy relationship. She had shocked and amazed me with things she did and said after Scott passed. Some my think it is cold hearted and I should forgive but, some things are unforgivable. I returned back to the church Scott and I loved so much a week after Scott passed away. I think it will be good healing for me. Some days are harder than others. My friend, Karen bought me the book titled I Wasn't Ready To Say Goodbye and I am in the process of reading that.